My last appointment was on valentine's day, and it went well, but I was exhausted when I left from all the crying. IOP did not work for me. I had a really hard time with the doctor, and there is only one for the program. I just really felt disrespected in a way-by how he talked down to me like I was an idiot that didn't know anything. I have never taken well to people that treat me like that. In my appointment last week, i conveyed all of this to my therapist, and she said that they needed to find another way to give me support.
The plan: I'm going to try a group this Friday, called the Adjunct Group and from there we will determine further treatment. If this does not work, I talked to Dian about going to the 7-day residential treatment program. We'll see how things will go. However, my next couple of weeks will probably get rough and rocky. My medication is changing. For the next couple of weeks I will slowly decrease and stop the Zoloft and Nortrypteline, then I will start Cymbalta.
I got home, and had a nice surprise waiting for me from Jarom, of course, after the dogs said hello and got thier love. he bought me No Reservations and some night wear. We watched the movie, and it was pretty cute.
Jarom took the dogs to the shooting range with him on Saturday while I hosted a baby shower. I think they had fun. Jarom said that Miss slept the entire time, but Gus was very intrigued by all that was going on and watched from the backseat of the car the entire time. Even though they had fun, I do think that they missed me because they rushed inside.
The baby shower helped me to focus on something and brought me so much joy. To do something that special for a friend, was so rewarding for me and a lot of fun. Other things that I find are really helping me, too, are being the new Activity Days Leader and working with the 8-11 Primary girls towards their Faith in God award and prepare to enter Young Womens when they turn 12. I have been studying my scriputres more than ever, too. I've never been very good at studying them on a weekly basis or even a weekly basis at that, but since the beginning of the year I'm trying to reat at least three chapters a day. I'm doing pretty good with it-it has helped me with the Primary Book of Mormon challenge. I'm already on the reading assignment for May. Believe it or not, it will be ther FIRST time I've read the ENTIRE Book of Mormon. I know the stories and a lot about it, but I've never read it cover to cover. I've been better at reading the entire Ensign each month, too. I've always been good at reading The Friend, but I would only read a little of the Ensign. I feel stronger and more sure of some things, while I'm still struggling with others. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm trying and I'm working on it.
There are a few other things that are helping in a therapuetic way. Some of those things are cleaning-beleive it or not. We have been purging a lot ot stuff that we don't need or use, and removing a lot of clutter from our home and our lives. We have done a lot of work, but we still have a lot to do. I'm just so proud of us for all the work we have done. Here is the real ticker--we have kept things picked up and put away. My craft room, is my our private sanctuary--I just need to move the big swirl chair into the room, but the turntables need to go first. Now, I need to actually start using the room-for work for church, studying, scrapbooking, reading, writing, and all my other activities. I'm working on a cross-stitch project and that is a great outlet and project that allows me to relax, actually and take great joy in something for once. They are two baby bibs for Celeste's twin boys. They are of bears, one is football gear and one in baseball gear. I was trying to get them finished before the shower, but it didn't happen, so I really need to get busy on them-since the babies will be arriving very soon.
I love to watch our pups as they play and sleep. I just can't get enough of thier adorable squished, flat faces. They are just adorable and so precious to me. I really do think they are our children in furry little, husky bulldog bodies.
Then, there are the kitties. Minnie stays hidden most of the day, but it currently locked in the laundry room with all she needs, until she is no longer in heat. That whine is one of the most awful sounds. Hope, however, has been quite a little lover lately. i think she just needed a little runt to whip her into shape and give her a little competition. She has been pretty tolerant of people-including Mom and Dad Culpepper and Jenna, when they were here to visit for Jarom's birthday. She still hisses, but she will let one pet her first, at least for a few seconds. She never used to like her tummy rubbed and now she will tolerate it. She is like a completely different cat.
Finally, there is my wonderful husband. I love having him close by, but I have not been to keen on coversation lately. I just want him near me, silently supporting me and he is doing a pretty good job of that. He has put up with me, and been very patient. Along with my mom and dad, he is my heroes.
I found a quote that I really like today one SparkPeople.com: "A smile is a curve that can set many things straight." I'm doing well, on my diet, too. I've lost 7 pounds. I did not wight myself last week and I have yet to do it this week because of all the bloating and water weight gain. I have gotten a lot to inspiration and support from other members and groups. I find myself consciously making healthier choices. However, I do still seem to need a daily sugar fix; usually chocolate. Thank the Lord for the 100 Calorie Herhsey Wafers, M&M's, 3 Musketeers, and Twix, and Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Mini bag popcorn. They are great snacks and help me stay on track since I'm a grazer and dearly need smarter, healthier options. I am even know to pick up some fruit and vegetables more often, too. For the fruits not in season, I'm buying the frozen kind.
I think I should stop there. I'm starting to ramble, but that is what is currently happening.