Well, we will be moving, and we are looking to move back to Elk Grove in the Laguna area. We drove by some houses this afternoon-about 6. We actually were able to walk through one-the first on our list. Someone was there painting and I think it may have been the owner. The floorplan was nice, but everything was very tight and claustrophobic. It wasn't real open, and we'd really like to have an open floorplan. It didn't have any on-street parking, either, for visitors.

The other houses were too close to the neighboring properties, or we didn't like the look for the ndighborhood, they were small, etc. However, there was one home of those five that looks really promising. We left a message with the representative, to see if we could schedule a walk-through for this weekend. It looks great from the outside and plenty of parking space in the driveway and on the street for visitors. The yard is pretty and maintained by a landscaper that the owner covers. My heart is telling me this is the one for us.

The move is what is best for us right now, although it is really hard for me to accept. Jarom has worked so hard on this place, but like he said a lot has been learned from our mistakes at all levels. I cried for about 30 minutes last night. I cried so hard that I think I had an anxiety/panic attack. I couldn't catch my breath at times and I made myself sick, too. Miss and Gus stayed really close to me last night. They both slept on my side of the bed. Gus was at my knees and Miss was just below my pillow. As the night progressed, since I couldn't sleep, the scooched her way up onto my pillow and if I moved too far away she would move over until she could feel me.

I have to admit the change is exciting. A new adventure awaits us. I think I'm excited to get back in the area where we have the majority of our friends, too. I was thinking on the car ride home this afternoon, that is will help me mentally, too. Not just because most of our friends are there, but because it wasn't until after we moved out here that I was first diagnosed with depression, in 2006. It has been really hard for us to meet and make friends here in Olivehurst, although we love all those that we have created friendships with here. You are all dear to our hearts. We just didn't really feel welcomed until the last year-two years after moving here.

As far as other things go, I'm starting a six week anxiety class on May 15th. It was supposed to start this Thursday but they called and said it had been pushed back a few weeks. I'm going to take a one time panic class and a one time stress management class, too.

Miss has been chasing Hope around the living room. I think Hope finds it fun for a short while-a few laps around the living room and she is done with Miss. If Miss continues to try and play and Hope doesn't want too, they have a staredown. Right now, Miss and Gus are wrestling. Hope is grooming and Minnie is sitting on the loveseat like sh is the queen of it all.

Jarom finish his John Waye puzzled and we used that puzzle glue to hold it together and then framed it. It looks good. As for me, i've started Jenna's graduation gift and I'm working on an inspiration journal for a friend. Now, we get to add-start packing-to the list. If we start now, it will be a smoother move. Other than that, there isn't anything real exciting going on.

I did it last night. After almost 11 years now, since doing it the first time. I took out my navel ring. It no longer resides within my belly button.

I made the decision to take it out after it recently was infected. Not gross infected, but red and sore infected. It has been red and sore like that about three times this year and I'm just tired of fighting it. I'm almost 30 years old, too, and it is time to grow up a little more and take it out.

It was great, having it and there is are great memories associated with it. Memories of mom asking me if I was getting mine pierced or just paying for it for Jess as her birthday present. I asked my mom if she was kidding, and then said that if she could her a scream it was coming all the way from Clackamas mall and my mouth because I decided to pierce my navel, too. Or the trip to the mall and the three of us girls in the room with the technician and I deciding to get mine pierced and not feeling a thing but a pinch from the clamp. The times at the cinema carring product down from the projection room-those boxes of soda syrup and pulling on the ring as it tore just a little from the box. Or, when I showed my mom what I did, her telling me that I get to be the one to tell my dad. He wasn't upset, that I remember. I remember him being more upset about my first tattoo than that belly button ring.

Any way--that is what I did, lastnight! As for today, I picked Jarom up from work because he was really sick. He hasn't been able to even keep water down. I'm afraid if it continues I may have to take him to the ER for an IV so he doesn't become too dehydrated. Only time will tell what will happen. As for me, I'll be sleeping in the guest bedroom until he's feeling better. The remainder of the afternoon has been spent grocery shopping and putting it away. This evening, I will be working on some Mother's Day gifts and sorting through my DMC embroidery thread for projects. I'm also going to be doing some reading, I think, too. I haven't read much this week, because I've been so focused on Mother's Day gifts.

I'm still fighting this cold or allergies, whatever it is. I have cold symptoms, but I have allergy symptoms too. I had been taking my allergy medications before I came down with the cold part, but now it seems I have sinus pressure and headaches. i even took my allergy medications while I was taking the cold medicines. I'm tired of dealing with this garbage, so I'm going to hopefully get in to see the doctor this week and get something that will work and finally make it go away.

I saw my therapist last week, and on the 29th I will start to take anxiety classes. The 29th is just the overview class and the decision as to how to proceed from thier and what anxiety line I will take from here.

My medications are working really well for the depression part. The combo I have is much more beneficial to me that previous medications. I still have bad days-about 3 a week, but I'm working on that with lists of things to do. I have been working on some things from my past and trying to reconcile them in my head and heart. I'm starting to feel more at peace. I'm starting to appear and be more happy and a little more bubbly, and that is a start. It is an improvement, too.

The main focus now is just to work on the anxiety part and trying to get it under control. I need to try and pick up those tools again that helped me cope and overcome it, again.

As for this weekend, it was okay. I just feel so miserable, but I went out back in the sun on Saturday hoping that the warm sunshine would help me to feel better while I planted some bulbs in posts. The wind was blowing and it really wasn't that warm. I was a little bummed. I did enjoy a nice glass of wine, too. I only drank about half a glass.

Yes, you heard me right. I had a glass of wine. I don't think I will be damned to hell and that the Lord will punish me for that. I do not believe he is vindictive like that. It's not like I go out and get sloshed everynight. It's just a glass of wind for heaven's sake. I didn't even drink within an hour, the glass lasted me through dinner. It has good qualities, too. I drank a sweet red wine, which are rich in antioxidents and phenols that help decrease the risk of heart disease, blood clots, hypertension, relax blood vessels and help healthy cholesterol. (Giordano, R. 2006. Retrieved from www.thedietchannel.com). I honestly don't think an occasional glass of wine or a margarita is that bad.

Last week, I met with a friend that has been dealing with a lot of medical issues and she doesn't really have a diagnosis. There is a lot of speculation from the doctors but still a lot of run around and definitive answer. It is frustrating for her and she is dealing with some depression now. We talked for about 45 minutes here and then another hour after she got home. We have started to create a wonderful bond and friendship. We talked about health and depression and she asked how I have been dealing with all of besides just through medication. I shared some of the ideas that Mom and Dad have shared with me, the books I have read (and I'm lending them to her), the list idea from mom, my inspiration journal, my callings in Primary, my crafts, this blog, helping others, and the Jarom and the dog and extended family. She liked the ideas i shared and I was inspired to get a special journal for her and start an inspirational journal for her. I'm going to start her off with all the wonderful quotes and advice that I have been given by writing them in her journal and then present it to her. The books are a book of poems on healing from Mom, the other is one my boss gave me called The Secret of Letting Go. My callings in the Primary as the secretary and the Activity Days leader has really brought a lot of sunshine to my days, too. My crafts give me an outlet to just relax and do something I really enjoy. My blog is an outlet to share my feelings and days, which turns to further insight into me, for me to heal. Jarom has been the best husband. He is helping however he can and pushing me but not pushing to hard. Gus and Miss are just pure love. Having my mom drop work for a week to come visit me, was a huge help. I think that was a turning point for me, and the upcoming trip in May to Utah, will do me a lot of good too. I need to be around family. It does me a lot of good.

We watched the Water Horse Saturday afternoon, too. It was a very cute movie. It had a bulldog in it, too. He was so cute, but he wasn't what I would consider a very nice bulldog. However, our Miss would have probably chased Crusoe, too, if he were found roaming around our house. Jarom and I both enjoyed it. It was a cute movie and I think we both would reccommend to everyone as a must see movie.

Jarom took the dogs with him to the shooting range Saturday morning. They shot out that front door once their collars were on. They get so excited! They know that when the collars go on they are going somewhere in the car.

In the evening this weekend, Jarom worked on his John Wayne puzzle while I worked on cross stitch projects. They are just small ones, but they are taking quite a bit of time. Some have quite a bit of detail. I'm working so hard on these because they are Mother's Day gifts. That is only a few more weeks away.

Miss is still glues to my hip, everday. She is getting in the habit of getting on the couch when Jarom gets up. I almost think she thinks that it is her couch, and she can come up any time without being invited. When we tell her no, she just looks at us with thos big round eyes of hers-giving us the "But why?" pity look. It is almost irresistable.

They both have been really spoiled by being allowed to sleep with us on the bed. Miss, always on Jarom's side of the bed and Gus cuddling up to me. When Jarom gets up Miss moves over and cuddles up to me opposite of Gus, and all three of us are cuddled together keeping each other warm and cozy.

My goals for this week are: to get my room organized and back together again, finish three cross-stich gifts and just a few things at the grocery store. I haven't been cooking much so we have a full freezer and fridge and we don't need too much.

"In order to find yourself, you must first lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi

I decided to pop some popcorn to snack on late last night and I since it is okay for dogs and a great source of fiber, I shared some with Gus and Missi. Well, Miss came right to me when I called them over to share, but Gus didn't want to budge from his nice warm cozy spot on his bed. Instead, he just looked at me with thos pitiful eye like, "Don't I get some too, Mom?"
I wasn't budging either, because I was typing a paper for class. Now what to do. What a dilemma, right? LOL
My decision was to grab a handful and toss it in the air and wherever it landed it landed. They each got to enjoy their popcorn treat, all warm and buttery, but that is not the funny part.
Gus is the comedian in this story. He was so cute, I just laughed it was so funny. He got to the point after about two handfuls and some kernels hitting him on the head that when he saw me scoop up another handful he would just open his mouth and hope that some would just magically swoop in there. I don't think any ever did go in there, so he had to work a little bit to get the kernels that did fall nearby. I could only imagine their joy when it started to rain popcorn in the living room.

This sucks! Headaches, body aches, hard deep cough, sore throat, lost voice, crackes voice, congestion, stuffy nose, runny nose, watery eyes, red nose, ear aches, blah, blah, blah. i have slept so much the last couple of days. I did feel a little bit better this morning, but my voice wasn't really there. I'm taking two cold medicines, drinking lots of water, and soaking in very hot baths with the jets on to help create steam.

Today was the first day that I didn't sleep all day, but it was pretty close. at least when I'm asleep I'm not bored, so I had to find some things to keep me occupied. I printed out the primary assignment letters and addressed for the mail tomorrow, uploaded a LOT of pictures to my MySpace account from travel, family, holidays, etc. I now have both blogs updated, with my article on Sunless Tanning Lotion on my Helping Handz blog-just for Aunt Terri. I found so much great information out hter, but was so excited to find one that actually bases its top products on consumer reviews. I went to the FDA and found some good information there too.

Other activities I've done to help pass the time is work on some cross-stitch projects for Mother's Day, word searches, reading, updating my calendar, look for a cross-stich design for an afghan-and all with the television on playing movies. I need the noise.

Missi, pretty much has not left my side since I've been sick. She is truely a little mother. She is so concerned about me. She follows me everywhere I go and when Jarom gets them and takes them outside to go potty she can't get back to fast enough. Gus isn't quite concerned, but you can tell he knows something is wrong, but craves time with his daddy too. Although, he did whine outside the bedroom door today. He slept with Jarom last night and I think I might put him in there with him again tonight, while Miss stays with me.

Yes, Jarom and I are sleeping apart. I don't want him to get sick and he agreed it would be best if I stuck to one room while I let this run its course. I'm in our room. I told Jarom I would sleep in the guest room, but he told me "no" and said he would just sleep on the couch. I didn't say anything, but I didn't think him sleeping on the couch would last too long. I was right. Last night, he moved into the guest bedroom to sleep. I do everything in this room-eat, sleep, shower, read, work on my laptop, watch tv and movies, listen to music, cuddle and love the dogs, take my medicine, etc. I only leave to take my dishes to the kitchen or get more water. At least I can be a little productive while I wait for this cold to vacate my body.

Hope visited yesterday and Friday. In fact, she spent the majority of the day in here with me and on the bed-even with the dogs on the bed. I suppose she stayed on the bed because everyone was laying down sleeping and not chasing her.

It is a little lonely. One sided conversations with the dogs just aren't really cutting it. I miss my husband. He even took Friday off to spend the day with me and we were going to go shooting, but he had to go alone, because I was so sick. He bought the Water Horse for me to watch, but I want to watch it with him, not by myself.

He did take me to Michael's real quick in Yuba City to get my embroidery hoop and stand for big cross-stitch projects, emboidering projects and quilting. I was able to get it for $27 with my 50% off coupon. I picked up a could bookmarks to cross-stitch on and some embroidery cloth, too. He got a nice wooden box that he is going to use a wood burner to etch on deer and elk and then stain. He will then use it to put his ammunition in.

Coley sent me a card and in it were a number of little tag-like card with quotes written on them for my inspiration journal. Instead of copying then in the book, I'm going to affix a few each on a couple pages with scrapbook adhesive. I think I will even embellish them with buttons, too.

Mom is really good at sending me a card each week to help keep my spirits up and give me encouragement. I really like it. I hope my dad will send me one once in awhile. I actually love to hear from him. I remember the first time he just called me out of the blue just to chat. We were living in Guam and it took me by surprise. He had never done something like that before, but then again, I never leived 10,000 miles away either. I was so flattered and felt so loved that he did that.

I guess that is all I really have to share today. I'm getting pretty tired and I need to put the dogs out one more time before we retire.

I know it has been quite awhile, January actually, since I updated all the kids' pages, but I sat down and took the time to update them. Gus and Miss have two new diary entries and Hope and Minnie each have a new entry. In case you aren't sure where to find them, the links are posted below. I know they would love to have you visit, sign their guestbooks and maybe leave a yummy treat. Just click on the badge to go straight to their page.

Minnie decided until to follow in Hope's pawprints. She took a little adventure of her own today, only I wasn't worried, because I don't usually see her during the day just at night. She snuckout back when I let the dogs out-evading my eyesight.